Crossing O’Connell Street shouldn’t be an ordeal. It’s not that wide. There are traffic lights. You’d think people would manage.
They don’t.
Locals dart like they’ve just robbed something. Tourists wander like they’re waiting to be adopted. Buses do whatever they want. And in the middle of it all, you’ve got the statues, the leaflet lads, the dodgy charities, and the occasional man in a plastic Viking helmet screaming about the end times.
It’s a mess. Always has been.
Here’s how to get across in one piece.
Step 1: Don’t Pause in the Middle
There’s a central island — the bit with the Spire, statues, and occasional lost hen party. It looks like a good place to stop and figure out your bearings.
It isn’t.
That spot is cursed. Stand there too long and you’ll get:
- Approached by someone selling tours you don’t want
- Asked to donate to a charity you’ve never heard of
- Photobombed by someone in green sunglasses
- Bumped into by a school group trying to find McDonald’s
- Or, worst of all, offered a leaflet and guilt-tripped when you say no
Keep walking. Don’t make eye contact. Don’t slow down. This is not a time for sightseeing.
Step 2: Watch the Buses, Not the Lights
The lights on O’Connell Street are more of a suggestion than a rule. You’ll get a green man and a bus will still come flying past because it’s “turning” or “late” or “didn’t see you.”
Always check both ways, even on a one-way street. Especially at junctions. If a cyclist doesn’t hit you, a taxi might.
Pro tip: if you’re walking towards the GPO and the LUAS is coming — wait. You won’t beat it. You’ll just end up frozen in place like a chicken in headlights while it glides past full of people judging your life choices.
Step 3: Hold Your Bag
Pickpockets are real. Not common, but real. O’Connell Street is one of the few places in Dublin where your bag might suddenly feel lighter than it should.
Don’t swing it behind you. Don’t dangle it open like you’re in a John Lewis ad. Keep your phone in your front pocket. And for the love of God, don’t stand near a bin digging through your rucksack for your vape.
Step 4: Ignore the Noise
You’ll hear buskers. Some are brilliant. Others are trying to cover Ed Sheeran using a recorder and a spoon.
You’ll hear a man shouting. Might be selling Bibles. Might just be mad. Leave him be.
You’ll hear people arguing about directions. Don’t get involved unless asked. Half the time it’s a couple mid-row and your advice won’t help.
Step 5: If You Must Stop, Do It Like a Local
Locals stop on O’Connell Street the way you’d pause on a motorway: briefly, head low, one foot already ready to move.
If you really have to check your phone or take a photo of The Spire (don’t), stand by the edge. Lean on a post. Pretend you’re waiting for someone. No one will question it.
Bonus: The Spire Isn’t Worth It
You’ll be tempted to look up. Don’t. It’s just a giant metal pole. There’s no meaning. It cost a fortune. It points at the sky. That’s it.
If you want a photo of something tall and pointless, get a selfie with your receipt from the airport.
Crossing O’Connell Street isn’t about bravery. It’s about awareness, speed, and pretending you know exactly where you’re going even when you don’t.
Head down. Eyes up. Feet moving. That’s Dublin.
